Oh haiiiii there

Before we get started anyone need a coffee?

To explain how we got here, let’s do a rewind and go back a little.

Stick with me, okay?

About four year ago, I had found myself in a space where I was incredibly unhappy. I had given up my career to become a stay at home mother and in turn found myself buried in household servant. Throughout my life I had been conditioned to believe you get married, have babies, stay home and find great joy in being selfless to others.

Yet, I was so incredibly unhappy. I barely took time for any self care (which turns out to be meeting basic needs) and kept attempting to dive even deeper into this role hoping to eventually hit this happiness wall everyone kept telling me existed. I just kept trying to make everyone else around me happy and fulfilled in turn hoping I would end up feeling the same way.

Spoiler alert, it never worked.

Also please note, I love my son with absolutely every fiber of my being. That does not make it his responsibility to make me happy.

Inside the home, I just had come to this conclusion that something had to be wrong with me and I’d have to wait until my next lifetime to find my happiness. Truly, I had given up.

Then like the turn in most movies where the main character goes from gray to full color, something magical happened.

One fateful evening, I decided to download a romance book I kept seeing on Tiktok and give it a whirl. Not a complete stranger to reading romance, previously reading 50 shades of Grey at its peak.

Little did I know this would lead to a whole awakening.

I found myself serial reading Romance of all genres, one after another with the complex characters that had overcome so much. As silly as it may sound, it was one of my first looks to outside world with an alternative mindset to ‘just keep everyone happy, losing yourself is the way of motherhood’. That one event snowballed into taking off the rose colored glasses and realizing I wasn’t in my coffin, I could become happy in my life and I deserved to.

Not too long afterwards, I had started a book instagram page to connect more with fellow readers (I needed to talk all about my books to someone other than one my friend whom only read fantasy) and on one fateful night I got a Tarot reading from someone on Tiktok which lead to an entirely other can of worms being opened up.

For the first time, I had an outsider tell me, ‘You’re really unhappy and there’s an entirely different life out there waiting for you.’ I was in disbelief and proceeded to spend a nice chunk of change in the coming weeks purchasing readers from a variety of healers, one reader in particularly stood out to me for how eerily she called everything out in my life (I’ll share more about that in an upcoming post).

In a twist of events, I ended up working with said Tarot reader and eventually starting my own practice as well as deep diving into my healing journey.

Slowly, sometimes slower than a turtle crawls I started to make the beginning waves to massive change in my life and began finally living in a manner than made me happy, rather than in a manner that made everyone else happy. I pulled myself out of a hole I’d fallen into where I had no option, needed to keep my head down and just find happiness in servitude to others. Instead of believing that I just needed to wait until the next life to be happy, I started being happy in this life.

To summarize? I tossed a match to everything I knew, watched it burn and then stood in the ash to figure out how I wanted to rebuild my life.

Here’s where Eros and Espresso comes in. I wanted a home to be able to share all parts of journey. To find my voice rather than barely get a peep out. There’s still days where I can feel myself getting overwhelmed and just want to crawl BACK into the hole I pulled myself out of.

But fuck that.

I have lived enough of my life in a box, it’s well past time I hop on out to live fearlessly as myself. Welcome to the very beginning for that and I hope you strapped in tightly, it’ll be a bumpy ride.